On Becoming Myself: a Longitudinal, Multimodal Autoethnography on the Racial Identity Experience of a Multicultural Black American Woman (with Mixed-Race Ancestry) Living Through the Myth of a Colorblind “Post-Racial” Era by E. Natasha L. Smith

Author

• E. Natasha L. Smith, Andrews UniversityFollow

Date of Award

2026

Document Type

Dissertation

Degree Name

Doctor of Philosophy

College

College of Education and International Services

Program

Higher Education Administration PhD

First Advisor

Bordes Henry-Saturne

Second Advisor

Michael Gayle

Third Advisor

Scott Moncrieff

Abstract

This dissertation explores some of the most polarizing topics of our time—race, culture, identity, politics, and the pressing need for advancements in higher education—with a confidence and courage shaped by lived experience, academic insight, and a deep commitment to truth. On Becoming Myself invites readers to engage with these complex issues through the lens of a multicultural Black American woman as she journeys through evolving stages of racial identity, confronting the myth of a “post-racial” society and the ongoing consequences of historically embedded inequities.

Blending autobiography with scholarly analysis, theory and cultural context, this autoethnographic work traverses time, capturing the author’s transformation from early experiences shaped by colorblind socialization and social conformity to a nuanced self-understanding of identity and belonging across social and cultural divides. The dissertation follows William Cross’s Nigrescence model as a framework, revealing how identity is continuously evolving through societal structures, historical legacies, and personal revelations. It highlights the urgent need for a clearer understanding of widely misunderstood concepts, some embraced uncritically for their surface-level appeal, and others rejected or misrepresented because they are perceived negatively at first glance. In both cases, the absence of a deeper understanding produces unintended consequences that hinder societal progress and perpetuate division rather than unity.

Reflecting the diversity of Black identity, On Becoming Myself draws from the author’s Chicagoan roots and the distinct perspectives of Gen Z to present a multilayered narrative that embraces experiential, geographic, and generational diversity. Integrating social media, music, spoken audio, video, and other multimodal forms, including digital storytelling, visual imagery, and interactive online elements, this work resonates with the values of a digital generation, connecting deeply with their pursuit of authenticity, creativity, and unfiltered truth. Through poems, personal stories, and other creative expressions, it offers an immersive experience that invites readers to see through the eyes of others and, in turn, to better understand themselves and the shared human capacity for empathy and connection.

Ultimately, On Becoming Myself is more than a personal journey; it is a call to reexamine assumptions and open oneself to the possibility of love and mutual understanding across social divides, embracing the unique contributions of individual life experiences. By exploring the ongoing journey of identity, belonging, and becoming, this dissertation builds bridges across individuals, communities, cultures, and generations, inspiring a collective vision of a more inclusive, compassionate, and love-centered world.

Subject Area

Black people--Race identity; African American women; Race awareness--United States

Recommended Citation

Smith, E. Natasha L., "On Becoming Myself: a Longitudinal, Multimodal Autoethnography on the Racial Identity Experience of a Multicultural Black American Woman (with Mixed-Race Ancestry) Living Through the Myth of a Colorblind “Post-Racial” Era by E. Natasha L. Smith" (2026). Dissertations. 1862.
https://digitalcommons.andrews.edu/dissertations/1862

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-No Derivative Works 4.0 International License.